I entitled this post as “Honesty?” because I’m damned if I can think of a title 🙂
And before I proceed, respectfully request that no-one takes anything I have to say today in any way as a personal message, I may not yet have decided exactly what I wish to write about, but if I randomly drop a shoe that happens to be your size, that’s exactly what it is, a coincidence if you happen to wear that size…
While my posts may have been sporadic at best of late, the reason for my quietness the last week has been purely practical, I have been eating through Data at a rate of knots and I just ran out…
Maybe it’s at times of distress that we express ourselves clearest, maybe it’s the yin of the human condition that inspires us to expressive heights, and when things are stable and calm, we “happily” amble through mundane life with little, if anything, to say?
Work has been quiet, the flow of money slow, and I have taken great care to avoid feelings of helplessness, panic or despair, rather using the time to work on the foundations of future abundance and to enjoy that rare commodity of solitude.
So the website has received a lot of attention, and as a relative amateur, each step has been preceded by research and study, but the fruits of my labour are paying off, of the 7 “rooms” featured in the virtual mansion of catspleasurepalace, 6 are complete to the closest practical details, the 7th and most intricate is “under construction” and close to completion, thereafter the pages need to be composed and uploaded, the site then needs to be presented to the affiliates for approval and thereafter can be made live to the paying public.
My book proceeds in the spaces in-between, but admittedly the priority has been the project which will bring the quickest expected financial returns. Truth be told, the book is turning into such a journey of self-discovery that financial reward has become less of a motive to the process, I believe that this is a journey that I am taking to identify the influences in my life, to weed out those that have borne negative fruits, and to nurture and prune those that have borne positive fruits.
The wonderful and loyal Candy is in need of urgent attention, and I do believe that the necessary resources will be available when needed, I will make every effort to ensure this, and I look forward to a much improved driving experience once this is accomplished, the beauty of self-employment is that one never HAS to wait till the end of the month, money can flow into ones life at any time from many sources…
So far all my goals and desires are on track, I don’t know HOW the next one (Candy’s rejuvenation) is going to happen, but in the words of the late great Martin Luther King Jnr “You don’t need to see the whole staircase, just take the next step”, and so, every day, I take “the next step”, everything is unfolding exactly as it should, what is needed will be available as it is needed…
I sit here, fingers poised over the keyboard, the words damned up, what I really want to say clogging the flow… maybe soon I’ll find the way to say what I want to say. But in the mean time I will be honest about one thing at least;
I have allowed my life to get in the way of the practices once again, I can’t remember when last I really meditated, the resources I asked for I await, should I remind again? I feel like I’m nagging, begging… Maybe I should ask one more time?
It’s so difficult to explain, while the KNOWLEDGE of what I should be doing… making my daily routine is there, I just somehow never get down to doing, there is always something else more pressing, something shouting louder than my desire to meditate, to visualize, to LIVE the way I should… HABIT needs to be cultivated, and CONSISTENTLY applied. It’s ME, I can no longer blame anyone else, I need to DO! But somehow I always feel so tired… I feel like a hypocrite, “talking the talk”, but so seldom “walking the walk”!
How many times in the pages of this blog have I ranted and raved about the same thing about others? Yet here I sit KNOWING what I need to be doing, and saying “TOMORROW I will start”
Yes folks, in the pursuit of my dreams and desires, I have run out of the fuel that feeds my engine, time to top up… regularly!
Go Forth and BE Awesome
All My Love