Manure, Syphilis and Askholes 20 April 2015

Humankind fascinates me as much as it irritates me!
For goodness sakes people, just start taking responsibility for your own choices, your own life and your own happiness!
I don’t like to make out that I am all that, but it took a decision, action and considerable effort and sacrifice to get to the point in my life where I can honestly say that I am at peace.
But “no man is an island” we all connect and interact with others of our kind and invariably relationships become stronger and those other people start to become an influence on one’s own life.
Some of those relationships are symbiotic (both benefit) and others are parasitic!
I am at the point where my inner peace is being threatened by “askholes” and “sympathy-seekers”.
Have you ever heard of the term “askhole”? That is someone who constantly asks your advice, then does the complete opposite and then goes right back to asking your advice…
It’s kinda like this

(Phone rings)
“Hi, my car has a flat tyre, what must I do”
“Can you pump it up?”
“No I don’t have a tyre pump and I’m too far from the nearest garage”
“Do you have a spare tyre, jack and wheel brace”
“Do you know how to change a wheel?”
“OK, then I’ll explain step-by-step”
(Starts the whole explanation)
“Sorry can you repeat that I was distracted by a text message”
(Restarts the whole explanation)
“Sorry can you repeat that I was distracted by a text message”
“Can you please stop texting while I’m taking the time to help you change your wheel?”
(Angrily defensive now) “EXCUSE ME but Billy was giving me advice on what to do about the flat tyre”
“OK then”
“He says I should just drive to the nearest garage”
“If you do that you will damage both the tyre and the rim”
“Yeah but this whole wheel changing thing is too difficult for me”
“You just jealous that I’m not taking your advice”
“Is that all you can say?”
“What else can I say?”
(Phone rings again)
“Hi, I drove the car to the garage with the flat tyre, now it’s shredded and the rim is damaged, what must I do?”
“UHm… buy a new tyre and rim”
“I can’t afford that”
“Call this breakers yard, maybe they have a used rim”
“What’s the number?”
(Reads out the number)
“Sorry can you repeat that I was distracted by a text message”
(Reads out the number again)
“Sorry can you repeat that I was distracted by a text message”
“Can you please stop texting while I’m taking the time to help you?”
(Angrily defensive again) “EXCUSE ME but Billy was giving me advice on what to do about the damaged rim”

You get the idea right?
And then you get the other kind of person who needs to constantly have drama in their lives, maybe it makes them feel important, or alive, or whatever, but they cannot function if their whole world isn’t falling to pieces around them every minute of every day…
The dog dies so they go into a flat spin because Fido is dead, so they forget to feed the cat which eats the goldfish and chokes to death in the process. The daughter is upset because her pet goldfish is dead and she goes to seek comfort from her mom, but mom is now even more upset because the dog, the cat and the goldfish are dead, so she turns to her boyfriend who gets her pregnant. The son gets so angry that his sisters was taken advantage of and his pet cat is dead, that he turns to drugs and alcohol, which in turn upsets mom even more, because now the dog, the cat and the goldfish are dead, the daughter is pregnant and the son is an addict, and dad ain’t getting any as a result, so he has an affair and mom finds out and throws him out the house. Now mom is so upset that she can’t focus at work so she gets into trouble at work, eventually loses her job and now she is stressed out because the dog, the cat and the goldfish are dead, the daughter is pregnant the son is an addict, her husband is having an affair and she has no job, no food and no home…
Actually usually the askholes are also usually the drama-factories!
Some people are really just drama-queens who thrive on attention and sympathy, my wise friend Ian always says;
“If you looking for sympathy, look in the dictionary, it’s somewhere between “shit” and “syphilis”.

Relationships with other human beings are important, we all can do with the stimulation and the interaction, but one has to very carefully examine each of the significant relationships in which you are involved and ask if that relationship is serving your greater good, or working against it.
Don’t get me wrong, we all have our “bad days” there are times when we allow “things” to get on top of us, we may even wallow in self-pity for a period of time, and even the best of relationships have their strengths and weaknesses, but as soon as a relationship becomes MOSTLY draining, then it is time to take action.
What action?
Firstly it depends on the type of relationship and the history of the relationship. A co-worker or work superior is not so easy to simply cut out of your life. A spouse or long-term romantic relationship carries with responsibilities and vows to be honoured. A parent is owed a debt of gratitude and respect. A child is a responsibility. And a friendship is usually accompanied with moral obligations. So each type of relationship will require a different remedial action.
Generally the first step would be to make the other person aware of the impact that his/her actions and attitude has on your life and psyche, if the person is reasonable and empathetic this should inspire them to make changes.
If that doesn’t work, then the next step would be to cut that person off, if it’s not possible to remove yourself PHYSICALLY from their lives, then at least emotionally you need to protect yourself and reduce the influence they have over you. But if at all possible, remove yourself both physically and emotionally from that person, your health, wealth and happiness depend upon it!
Each and every one of us has the power and the responsibility to take care of our own lives, we need to establish what is important and to make that a priority and then to cut down on the noise and the clutter than mesmerises 90% of humankind (98% of statistics are after all made-up)
This beautiful South Africa in which I live has become a macrocosm of this very issue, the larger portion of the population blames every social ill on a regime dead for over 20years, the other portion of the population blames every social ill on the new regime, neither one of them gets up off their collective fat arses and does one iota of positive effort to make a difference.
If you are not happy with your life, then make a change… it’s that simple, and don’t you DARE say “I can’t”, rather be honest and say “I’m too scared/comfortable/lazy to make the effort”, and if you perfectly happy to wallow and complain, then complain where no-one else can hear you because your complaining about what you are not prepared to make the effort to change is not only irritating to the rest of us, but it brings us down too!
So I am making the decision to clean out my closets, Media Mogul Ted Turner had a plaque made up for his desk which read “Lead, Follow, or get outa my way!” And that is how I feel at this point in time, I have worked hard and sacrificed much to achieve the peace and serenity that I have achieved, now I find that old relationships are re-surfacing in my life, maybe as tests of my resolve, maybe as opportunities to complete the lessons learned or maybe just due to chance and unforeseen circumstances, and each has been given a fair chance, I have been open and honest and I have really tried to share what I have learned.
But the one thing I absolutely REFUSE to allow is for the same drama that once conspired to destroy me to affect my life ever again, you have all been given notice, this far, and not an inch further!
Go Forth and be Awesome
All My Love
Kim Warner

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