Forty – Two – 15 June 2015

No, that is not my wish that I was 4 years younger…

Life has this amazing way of compensating, for example, it is said that blind people’s other senses are enhanced to make up for the lacking sense, and the energy of youth is replaced by the wisdom of maturity.

Modern society is obsessed with youth, the entire cosmetics industry is built upon the striving after a youthful appearance. Lotions and potions promise firmer, smoother skin. Hair-dye hides the grey. Support undergarments tame errant flesh, and surgeons nip, tuck, implant and inject deadly poisons to paralyse the face. They say that more money is spent on Viagra and breast implants than on Alzheimer’s research, so as a result we face an entire generation of seniors with perky breasts and firm erections… and no idea what to do with them J . “Many a truth is spoken in jest”

Numerology is a form of self-analysis believed in by some; basically you take all the numbers of your date of birth and reduce the sum of the numbers by repeated additions until you are left with a single digit, the exceptions being if you end up with the double digits of 11, 22 or 33. My numerology for example, works as follows

15 July 1969

1+5+0+7+1+9+6+9= 38


And looking up the result for 11 would then give a set of character-traits associated with that person.

I recall a psychic friend of mine doing this exercise with me, and while I have never been able to source the resource from which she consulted, I do recall one of the points as being that “11’s” are afflicted by duality and as a result usually only get their lives together by middle-life.

An old friend of mine (actually he was my best friend in High School) is one of those people who has amassed a large amount of financial wealth straight out of school, and about a year ago, when I was suffering my financial fallout following the angst of finding out that I was infatuated with the figment of a married-woman’s imagination, he asked me from across the neighbours fence “When are you gonna come right, you were so together in high school, what went wrong?”

Well I was in no mood at the time to try and explain my journey and my priorities to a materially-minded person, so I flippantly replied “Women”, and again I say “many a truth is spoken in jest”.

OK, so it’s not really women who are the problem, it’s the pre-disposition of some men to totally lose themselves in the pursuit of satisfying their urges. I guess in my case a combination of a rampant sexual desire and the morals instilled into me during childhood. So instead of satisfying my urges through meaningless one-night stands and casual sex, I sought the framework of a committed relationship.

My years of married life 1991 – 1989 was a time of financial stability and focus, my “love life” was taken care of and as a result I could focus on work and home. And maybe, just maybe as a result I grew boring enough to no longer be a source of stimulation to my wife, anyway, I digress, the point is that my divorce marked the beginning of a period of destabilization, little by little I lost what I had accumulated during my married years, and with the 20/20 clarity of hindsight I am able to see why…

“The pursuit of a relationship”

A single man in his early 30’s faces a dating minefield. Women around his age are either…


Recently Divorced,

Divorced with Children / Single Parents


Settled-down “spinsters”,

Or have such unrealistic expectations of the perfect man, that they basically reject everyone

The married ones are out of bounds for obvious reasons, the recently divorced are bitter and angry, the single parents understandably place their children as priorities and are looking for a “replacement father”, the promiscuous have never been able to settle for monogamy and as a result they have become addicted to multiple partners, the settled-down “spinsters” have learned to accept, and then enjoy being single (usually with a home full of 17 cats) and the “unrealistic expectors” have a head so full of Disney and Mills and Boons that no real man could ever live up to their expectations.

And so I (around the age of 30) embarked on the course of trying to find true love amongst these circumstances. The result was that my focus became completely consumed by trying to please the person with whom I was in a relationship with at that time, my good friend Ian observed during the longest of those relationships that “… I am either so blissfully happy when things are going well that I don’t work, or I’m so deeply depressed when things are going bad, that I can’t work”

So a cycle ensued, a period of being single, meeting someone, courting that person, sacrificing most of my resources to impress that person and make myself indispensible to that person, then a period of blissful love, then dissatisfaction when my needs were not made as much a priority to her as hers were to me, then more sacrifice of by now depleted resources to try and win back that initial bliss, then depression, break-up, more depression, then a period of burying myself in my work, which resulted in increased prosperity and self-worth which led to me meeting someone…

We become addicted to emotions, and I had become addicted to “love” and like any junkie, I sold my possessions and sacrificed my soul in this pursuit. Eventually though I identified this addiction, and like breaking any, I went cold-turkey, I do believe this was one of, if not THE benefit of my time of isolation in the Kalahari.

Yes, admittedly there was a relapse in 2013, but I’m happy to say maturity added wisdom and the cycle never repeated itself to conclusion this time. While some damage was done, I was able to identify the problem and exit the spiral.

And now?

“Desiring something is in perfect accordance with The Law, NEEDING something comes from a place of lack and fear and therefore is NOT in accordance with The Law.” Those words of Rhoda Byrne’s come to mind. I still DESIRE Romantic Love and Companionship, I still DESIRE the pleasures of the flesh, but thankfully, the NEED has dissipated.

Remember I said that “life has a way of compensating”? Well in my mid-forties now the women of my age group fall into the same broad categories (no pun intendedJ)

The Married ones are still out of bounds, the Recently Divorced are still bitter and angry (maybe even more so), the Settled-down “spinsters” are even more settled-down, and they becoming depressed because their cats are advancing in age, but, the Promiscuous have largely sated their desires, the Divorced with Children / Single Parents’ children are grown up and out of the house and at least some of the Unrealistic Expectors have also learned wisdom and expect a bit less unrealistically J, the odds look better…

And I have learned to see… and recognize… the warning signs, and my brain is less addled with the hormones which previously would’ve inclined me to endure torture for the occasional loving…

Wisdom from experience and learning also compensates, and a lot of research into the nature of people and inter-personal relationships has revealed gems of information such as thissternberg


Some of the better read among us would have recognised the reference, but for the rest of you, Google it! (Adding “Douglas Adams” will refine the answers)

Go Forth and be (increasingly) Awesome

All My Love


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