So many times over the last few months I started writing this entry, the blank document taunting me, the words just would not flow, they still appear in a staccato rhythm, halts as I pause, trying to find that place in my soul where the inspiration dwells. First I wanted to announce “It has happened, then I thought twice, “maybe this is heaven, maybe hell”, then I wanted to mourn, and whine about how I long for my country home, how I miss the horseshoe bar at the Pirates club, how I pine for Candy’s v6 howl. But now I say “It is what it is”.
I have been in Urban Durban since the beginning of July this year; Candy’s 6cylinders are temporarily substituted by a scooter’s 1, my peaceful green valley by a room in an old monastery. I work at least 12 hours a day and earn well. I might not have SOLD my soul, but I’m certainly renting it out in the meanwhile.
Why am I doing it? Well damn! Yes, there is an element of “selling out” I do admit, but more than that there are financial benefits, there is a plan for the future, there is a dream of Suzie’s replacement, the Ego likes being needed… and valued, and that side of me that wants to be of assistance is sated by being of value.
But I struggle to find my peace here, “struggle?” No, I just don’t find peace, a mass of humanity makes a constant noise, my working environment is polluted by the shallow inanities of East Coast Radio, and the spirit is plagued by the infectious emotions of others, the stink of fear that eats at humanities lives.
Melodramatic? Quite possibly so, but so what, this is my party and I can cry if I want to.
But it is not all bad, amongst the disease of middle-class mediocrity a few individuals shine, those who proudly shout “I am me, I matter, I will live the life I want to live”, just yesterday I spent a wonderful afternoon with members of my tribe.
“Nothing happens by chance, there are NO COINCIDENCES”, this too is a valuable lesson, and what I learn, I will take with me and it will fertilize growth within me. My skills are honed every day, and I am saving up, and that beautiful, powerful, awesome Sierra 3.0GLX estate will be mine. I retain my home in the Yellow Woods Valley, each rental payment I transfer, I do with gratitude in my heart knowing that my home awaits me, peace, serenity, nature, water.
This blog was a chronicle of my journey with the LoA, and as promised, I have been honest; I have recorded my failures as faithfully as my successes, my losses as truthfully as my gains. Last year this time I was enduring a period of financial lack, 8 years ago I was homeless, today I have two homes, and two vehicles. Does the LoA work? What do you think?
I will continue this blog, but it will be supplemented now with a new blog, a site devoted to INSTRUCTION in the LoA, and I will announce the details shortly. I always felt that in order to be able to instruct, one must first provide proof of one’s own mastery of the subject. A ballroom dance instructor who cannot dance would be a very poor teacher!
Go Forth and be Awesome
All My Love