Love and “Love”

It’s a funny thing, this life we live…

Killing can be graphically reported and portrayed, but a nipple is censored.

  • A plant beneficial to mankind is illegal to cultivate or grow, but dangerous chemicals are pumped into our water supply by the same authorities.
  • For a person to offer sexual pleasure in exchange for money is a crime, but it is legal for a worker to perform sexual favours for his/employer.
  • We elect a government to “serve and protect” but we serve and protect them.
  • We kneel for an hour in a “house of God” (built by humans) on a Sunday, but we dishonour God’s creation the other 168hours of the week.
  • We sell a portion of our lives in exchange for pieces of paper.
  • We create a ceremony that legally chains two people together “until death”, but create an industry to dissolve that contract and to extract financial compensation.
  • We sacrifice our souls for “love”, but love should enhance our lives.
  • The powerful nations manufacture an excuse to invade another sovereign state, but that state’s retaliation is called “terrorism”
  • The two minerals ascribed the greatest value is a soft yellow metal and a shiny isotope of carbon, each of which have industrial applications, but their value is due to their aesthetics.
  • Society dictates that proving love and commitment to a woman entails a gift of a worthless but expensive bauble stuck to a band of soft yellow metal.
  • Those who kill one person are called “mass murderers”, those who kill more than one are called “mass murderers/serial killers”, but those who kill millions are called rulers.
  • To kick/hit/run with a ball skilfully makes you a millionaire, to skilfully create a piece of furniture earns you a subsistence allowance.
  • An uncomfortable, impractical vehicle costs more than a practical comfortable vehicle, because it has the potential to travel at illegal speeds.
  • Physical beauty is seen as more desirable than a beautiful person.

 

In the movie “The Matrix”, the hero, Neo , is offered a choice between a blue pill and a red pill, if he takes the blue pill, his life returns to “normal” he forgets everything, he remains blissfully ignorant, if he takes the red pill, he sees through the lie, and he faces the harsh reality of the truth.

Seeing through the BULLSHIT of modern society is very similar, you become free, but freedom carries its price… loneliness!

“…The price the wolf pays is loneliness”

I have hidden away from romantic love for some time now, my previous experiences have not been all pleasant, and it’s taken years of an aching heart to overcome these experiences.

Living consciously, however, we learn to study ourselves, to dig deep into the depths of our subconscious, to find the reasons why we do, or no not…

I discovered a pattern, I withdraw into myself, I close the gates, and bar the windows, afraid that allowing someone back in will open my heart to that intense pain again. I protect myself outwardly too, I subconsciously neglect my appearance, and gain weight as a defence, and after all, if I look hideous enough, no one will want me. If no one wants me, then I can’t be hurt.

Now CHOOSING to be alone is not wrong, but allowing my life to be ruled by fear IS!

I know what qualities I am looking for from a partner; I am looking for someone “real”, someone I can have an intelligent conversation with, I want someone who is peaceful, someone I can watch a good movie with and then spend hours discussing it. I desire someone who appreciates a deep and soulful piece of music. Someone who cares about the environment and ALL living creatures, even the ones that aren’t cuddly and cute, (flies and mosquitoes excepted of course, I have a special fate for them ;-))

I know what I DON’T want too of course, I know that I don’t want to have my inner peace shattered. I know that I don’t want to serve someone else’s drama. I don’t want to be criticized continually; I don’t want to have to answer for every action I take. I don’t want to spend my life dealing with someone’s fear of everything.

My quietness of late has been the symptom of deep introspection, I have started writing for this blog so many times the past weeks, the “My Documents” folder of my PC is littered with incomplete drafts, but while the throat chakra is blocked by not speaking your truth, the words will not flow.

Two old loves have resurfaced in my life, the one I just can never trust again, too many lies, too many secrets, too many sleepless nights, I’m even afraid of a friendship because of the inevitable consequences.

The other I had such high hopes for, I really believed things would be different, but I fear that I will become immersed in a maelstrom of drama, I feel like I will never again experience peace if this proceeds to its logical conclusion, but I suppose the sharpest wakeup call was just the other morning when I finally overcame my reluctance and started opening up regarding my feelings and passion, and that huge step was not even recognized, it is so sad when a beautiful woman can speak so passionately about the pursuit of pieces of paper with a dead president on them, and so dismissively when it comes to the power and beauty of passion!

“While I held her lovingly in my arms… she commented on the crack in the ceiling”, a leopard never changes its spots.

My good friend Dave and I had many interesting discussions during my tenure in Durban. Initially he thought that I was a misogynist, but eventually he understood the truth. He told me all about “Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus”, how women marry the man who can provide security, but have affairs with the men that excite them, and I argued that I refuse to accept THAT, that there must be women out there who are enlightened enough to see past that base mentality.

His advice then was “Go to Knysna, join the Knysna Fairies, find a hippie girl with BIG boobs, and take her home”.

I have decided to disregard his advice regarding the “BIG boobs”.

 

Go Forth and be Awesome

All My Love

Kim

One thought on “Love and “Love”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s