Dissatisfaction – 5 November 2016


Of late my life has been brought into sharp contrast by the spotlight I’ve been shining onto it. There is much that I am grateful for, and there has been steady progress in many areas.

I have passed the one-month mark since I’ve quit smoking, and I must say, not only have I largely overcome the cravings and irritability, but I am also feeling so much better for it.

It was suggested that I “treat” myself with the monies saved to keep the motivation going, and I chose to rather spend the saved money on getting Essie the Escort on the road, and I am glad to say that that was a wise decision since not only was that a worthwhile motivation, but driving a 1600cc car saves a lot of money compared to driving a 3000cc LDV.

I am also happy to report that my weight has remained static after quitting… I DO desire to release 30kgs, but at least quitting hasn’t worsened that situation, and I am now in a position to pay attention to manifesting this improvement to my health and appearance too.

Friday evening I sat on my habitual stool at the Pirates Club, I drank 2 bottles of beer, I ate a few boiled eggs and tomato and onion sandwiches. I tried to avoid looking at the bar lady as much as possible because she puts me off my food. I overheard the same tired stories from the same tired patrons.

I don’t like the Pirates Club, I go there because A.) there is nowhere else to go and B.) because it’s the only place I can visit with my brother. I don’t like beer, I drink it because there is no coffee shop at which I can socialize and the dinosaurs that run the Pirates Club don’t accommodate those who don’t wish to become drunk. I’m so tired of boiled eggs and tomato and onion sandwiches on a Friday evening. I want to get up and grab ever one of those old farts sitting around that bar and scream into their faces “THERE IS A WHOLE BIG WORLD OUT THERE, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN GETTING DRUNK EVERY NIGHT”

But the sad fact is that I’ll probably be there again next time I’m in town because I’m becoming increasingly lonely. Maybe more so since my housemate moved out, but it goes deeper than that, I crave a meaningful connection in my life.

Here in King Williams Town I do not have a single friend! Wow! That came as a shock even to me! I have family, and great family… I have some acquaintances, I have clients…


Recently I was accused of being “arrogant”, and I can understand that some folks could see me that way, but damnit, just because I’m lonely doesn’t mean that I’ll surround myself with just anyone!

Besides, if I was so “arrogant” why is it that in a short time in Durban I was able to make so many awesome friends? Telephone conversations with these friends are literally the only satisfying conversation I have anymore.

But I do crave intellectual stimulation
I do crave the company of like-minded people
I do crave love and companionship

I’ll just have to start manifesting a solution, at least identifying the problem is half the battle won.

Go forth and be Awesome

All My Love






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